When we are new in SIA, we often say, “I’ll never confront. “I don’t want to hurt them.” “They are old now.” “Why bring it up?” “It happened a long time ago.” “I have to understand that s/he was sick and therefore isn’t responsible for what he did.” “My mother/father is weak and cannot handle all this tension.” “S/He was an alcoholic. I’m afraid if I talk about the abuse, s/he will lose his sobriety.” In SIA, no one is told s/he must confront her/his abuser. As a part of our recovery process, we may want to confront because our needs often change as we detach and become more independent.