Survivors of Incest Anonymous 



We Define Incest Very Broadly

     
       

for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse

Coming Home Phone Line Scripts


Welcome to the Coming Home Phone Line, an Intergroup of Survivors of Incest Anonymous. My name is ____________, and I am a survivor. This meeting is for adult women and men who were abused as children. This is a place to work on healing the wounds of incest.

SIA is an anonymous fellowship. Everything that is said here in the telephone meeting, and member to member, must be held in confidence. When we feel safe, we can honestly share what’s in our hearts, which is how we truly help each other in SIA.

 Are there any newcomers on the line? To unmute, press *1. 

(Welcome the newcomers.)

If you have any questions, please stay after the meeting and we'll answer your questions then.

In order to get to know each other, let’s all introduce ourselves by our first names, and if you want, where you’re calling from.  I'll start. My name is ______ and I'm calling from _____. Who would like to go next? (Welcome each person.)


Welcome everyone. Please keep your phone muted except when reading or sharing. To mute and unmute, press *1, or you can unmute by pressing *1 then use the mute button on your phone.

Only the moderator thanks the reader or speaker. 

Would someone please read The Twelve Steps of SIA?

THE 12 STEPS OF SURVIVORS OF INCEST ANONYMOUS

1.    We admitted we were powerless over the abuse, and the effects of the abuse, and that our lives had become unmanageable. 

2.   Came to believe that a loving Higher Power greater than ourselves could restore hope, healing, and sanity.

3.   Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a loving Higher Power as we understood Higher Power.

4.   Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves, the abuse, and its effects on our lives. We have no more secrets.

5.   Admitted to a loving Higher Power, to ourselves, and to another human being our strengths and weaknesses.

6.   Were entirely ready to have a loving Higher Power help us remove all the debilitating consequences of the abuse, and became willing to treat ourselves with respect, compassion, and acceptance.

7.   Humbly and honestly asked a loving Higher Power to remove the unhealthy and self-defeating consequences stemming from the abuse.

8.   Made a list of all the people we had harmed (of our own free will), especially ourselves and our inner child, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9.   Made amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would result in physical, mental, spiritual or emotional harm to ourselves or others.

10. Continue to take responsibility for our own recovery, and when we find ourselves behaving in patterns still dictated by the abuse, promptly admit it. When we succeed, we promptly enjoy it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with ourselves and a loving Higher Power, as we understood Higher Power, asking only for knowledge of Higher Power’s will for us and the power and courage to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other survivors and to practice these principles in all our endeavors.

 

We read one Tradition per meeting, and all the Traditions at Safety Check and Business Meetings. The Tradition that I’d like to share with the group today is Tradition # ______. (Read a Tradition of your choice.)

12 Traditions of SIA


1. Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends on SIA unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one authority: a loving Higher Power, as this one may express her/himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for membership is that you be a victim of childhood sexual abuse, that you desire to recover from it, and that you have not abused any child as an adult.


4. Groups should be autonomous except in matters affecting another group or SIA as a whole.


5. Each SIA group has but one primary purpose: to carry its message to the incest survivor who still suffers.


6. Our SIA group ought never to endorse, finance, or lend the SIA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim.

7. SIA strives to be  fully self-supporting and will not accept contributions that compromise SIA's autonomy or mission.

8. SIA work should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. SIA, as such, ought never be organized, but may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.


10. Survivors of Incest Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the SIA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.


11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films and television.


12.    Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.



Would someone volunteer to read The Definition of Incest?

 

The Definition of Incest: 


Incest is an act of power against a child that takes a sexual form. It is the violation and betrayal of the sexual innocence of a child. We define incest to include:

  • Suggestive or seductive talk or behavior directed at a child
  • Any unwanted, invasive touching, including kissing, wrestling & tickling
  • Non-medical enemas
  • Showing a child pornography or nudity
  • Sexual fondling, oral sex, sodomy and/or intercourse

 

Incest survivors come from both sexes, all economic and social backgrounds, races, religions, nationalities, and sexual orientations. It is not uncommon for incest survivors to wonder if the experience really happened or if they imagined it. What is important for you to realize is that children DO NOT, on their own, imagine situations of sexual arousal or violation. That information is not within a child’s realm of knowledge. As an adult, if you think something happened, it probably did. The truth is shown by the emotions you feel as you try to remember.

 

The emphasis of incest recovery is on understanding the violation of trust we experienced at the hands of those who were supposed to be our protectors. Incest perpetrators may have been our parents, older siblings, other family members, family friends, neighbors, and baby-sitters, members of the clergy, teachers, doctors or others in a position of authority over us as children.

 

In circumstances where we were repeatedly exposed to our perpetrators, we lost what should have been our birthright, a safe place to grow up. Having to continue to associate with our perpetrators in our daily and nightly childhood lives, our ability to trust was destroyed. Our very childhood itself was betrayed. We lived in an environment of abuse so devastating that, to survive it, many have lived in denial that became amnesia, developed multiple personalities, physical illnesses, sexual obsessions, severe depression and/or suicidal tendencies. These were the survival techniques we used as very inventive children who were determined to live beyond our torment. We give thanks to our child who was, because he or she did whatever was necessary to allow us to survive the horror and to be alive today.

 

But now it is necessary that we begin to leave behind survival techniques that no longer serve us.

 

While most societies have maintained a sense of taboo regarding incest, in point of fact, the sense of taboo has not been in committing incest, but rather in talking about incest, especially by those who have experienced it. In meetings, we break this silence. Remember, we are only as sick as our secrets. We are a gathering of people determined to remember, to speak, to be heard and to heal.

 

Above all, we guard our safety and privacy. What is shared here is not for gossip, comment, or outside conversation. Here in this room, we give voice to our secrets and heal. As we share our trust and rediscover our love, we want you to know that you are not to blame, and that you are not alone.

 

Would someone volunteer to read The Legacy of Incest?

 

The Legacy of Incest: 


Many of us have common characteristics arising from incest. When the subject of incest or sexual abuse is mentioned, we may feel queasy, nauseous, or hostile, and tend to run away.

 

Many of us have amnesia and cannot remember large portions of our childhoods. We may not remember the incest for decades. We often believe that childhood was a wonderful, pleasant, and happy time. 


Incest memories rarely appear intact. They are usually felt as if through a fog, or in fragments. The memories may appear at any time, triggered by a sound, voice, physical feeling, taste, touch, smell or emotion. The usual response is to try and deny and ignore what is being remembered.

 

To stuff our pain, we often engage in compulsive behaviors, such as alcohol or drug abuse, eating disorders, compulsive spending, gambling, excessive exercise, sex addiction and work addiction. We may pick at our fingers or skin, cut ourselves or damage our bodies in other ways. Some of us may take the route of suicide. We are often out of touch with our feelings and bodies.

 

We tend to feel isolated, uneasy and vulnerable around other people, especially authority figures. We tend to have difficulty and guilt feelings standing up for ourselves. We often have low self-esteem and may hate ourselves. Our lives may be a constant struggle to maintain control. Touch is often associated with powerlessness and love with control or being controlled. We have difficulty trusting. We may not even trust ourselves. 


We may be sexually shut down or promiscuous. Our relationships, when attempted, either duplicate the abuse of our childhood, or are with individuals whom we pity, want to rescue, or can control. We tend to dissociate during sex. Much of the time we travel in a state of hyper-vigilance. This hyper-vigilance creates a constant fear of attack. It can also cause us to be easily triggered.

 

We are often bored or uncomfortable when life goes smoothly. We often sabotage ourselves and cause problems to stir things up. We may be addicted to adrenalin and excitement.


Would someone volunteer to read The Solution?

The Solution: The solution is to become our own loving parent as we work in partnership with a Higher Power of our own understanding.

 As SIA becomes a place where we feel safe, we find the courage and strength to move out of isolation, to recover our feelings and memories, to reveal the incest and its many effects on us, and to work through the wreckage of the past. We become adults no longer imprisoned and driven unconsciously by childhood impulses and reactions. We recover and integrate our inner child or children, thus learning to accept and love ourselves fully.

We work this program one day at a time with the help of our Higher Power, the 12 Steps, the 12 Traditions, the Serenity Prayer, meetings, sharing, writing, sponsors, the telephone, therapy, meditation, prayer, fellowship and books. These tools enable us to progress from hurting, to healing, to helping. We learn to restructure our thinking and behavior. We learn to be actors, not reactors. We gradually regain the sanity, wholeness and authenticity that were stolen from us by our perpetrators.

In SIA we learn that “incest and the interwoven family chaos” was a disease that traumatized us as children and left us traumatized as adults. We learn that we did not cause this disease, we could not control it and we could not cure it. We learn to keep the focus on ourselves in the here and now. We learn to take responsibility for our lives today, and to supply our own parenting, in partnership with a Higher Power.

Would someone please volunteer to read the Guidelines for Safe Sharing?


The 12 Guidelines for Safe Sharing have been developed to keep our phone line a safe place for childhood sexual abuse survivors. Please follow the Guidelines during meetings, fellowship time and in your communications with fellow Survivors outside the phone line.

 


Guideline 1: No Perpetrators


Perpetrators are not allowed at SIA meetings.We are here to heal from the wounds of sexual abuse by sharing our experience, strength and hope. We may talk about the incest, its effects, our memories, our feelings, our problems, our recovery, our dreams or any other experience, but not on current or past adult perpetrating behaviors including sexual objectification, in practice or fantasy, for personal pleasure.

 


Guideline 2: Identifying


We keep the focus on our own recovery and take our own inventory, not other survivors’. It’s okay to identify with what another has said and share our personal experience about the same topic, but we do not name that person while we say that we are identifying. We give feedback only when asked.

 


Guideline 3: ‘I’ Statements


We talk in ‘I’ statements. However, if you’re multiple or referring to you and your inner kids, feel free to share using the “We” voice, but please let the group know that your “We” applies to you and not everyone else.

 


Guideline 4: Non-SIA Literature


We care for fellow Survivors by trying to remember to announce when we are going to read or quote non-SIA literature, share highly graphic abuse memories or use four-lettered language. When we share non-SIA literature, we relate it to our recovery from the disease of childhood mental, emotional, physical and sexual trauma.

 


Guideline 5: Intense Emotions


We may safely express intense emotions—anyone may sob freely without interference, express anger, terror, shame or any other feeling through words, without risk of being asked to leave.

 


Guideline 6: No Discrimination


We do not express anger or criticism towards a group of people based on gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, affiliation or disability. It is okay to share that we feel triggered by a group because they remind us of our perpetrator, but anger needs to be directed at the perpetrator specifically, not general groups.

 


Guideline 7: Communication Boundaries


We respect and honor our fellow Survivors by refraining from name calling, swearing, criticizing, gossip, or violating communication boundaries. Likewise, we place other Survivors’ needs on equal footing with our own in the context of the meeting.

 


Guideline 8: Anonymity


We don’t break anonymity about what was shared in the meeting outside of the meeting, or vice versa.

 


Guideline 9: No Cross Talk


We don’t cross talk, which includes:

                        No interrupting while others speak

                        No commenting on what others have said when it is our turn to share

                        No giving advice or attempting to comfort others

Note: Using another person’s name when thanking them for their share is not considered cross talk.

 


Guideline 10: Triggers


We attend meetings with the awareness that we may be triggered. We avoid turning the present into the past. Other Survivors’ words, vocal tones, and responses may make us feel that we are dealing with perpetrators. Therefore, we caution Survivors not to treat other Survivors as if they are abusers. If someone on the line is triggering, we learn to deal with the evoked emotions responsibly by muting our phones when needed, setting boundaries with anyone that triggers us, taking evoked feelings back to the original abuse experiences, comforting our inner children, and refraining from any desire to gossip that may arise due to being triggered by a fellow survivor.

 


Guideline 11: Muting


We respect the safety of the meeting and honor the sharing of other survivors by keeping our phones muted at all times when not sharing. To mute and unmute press *1.

 


Guideline 12: No 13th Stepping


We maintain safety in and out of meetings by refraining from 13thstepping, or using the meeting contact list to ask someone for a romantic date.

 


What to do if Guidelines for Safe Sharing are Not Followed

 

We strive for meeting safety with our Guidelines, yet practice grace by providing a protocol for Guideline violations. When we feel a perpetration issue has been shared or a Guideline has been violated, any member may ask the moderator to reread the Guideline. If the violation continues, any member may request a Group Conscience Safety Check, the format of which is detailed on our website, SIAComingHomePhoneLine.org

We recognize that there may be situations not covered by these Guidelines. When situations occur that repeatedly create a lack of safety on the line, the group may meet to decide if a violation has occurred, and may ask a person to leave the line under those circumstances.


A few final notes before sharing:

 

We allow the moderator to thank the last speaker before we request to share. If more than one person asks to share at the same time, the moderator will decide who shares first and will place only one person into the waiting queue.

 

Finally during meetings, shares must be confined or directly tied-in to issues related to recovery from childhood sexual abuse.

 

Please limit your share to _________ minutes (as determined by the meeting’s group conscience).

 

Would someone volunteer to be our Spiritual Timekeeper?

(If  someone volunteers, thank them and say:)

 

At four minutes, the Timekeeper will say “One Minute.” At the end of five minutes, they will say, “Time.” Please acknowledge when you hear the Timekeeper.

 

(If the shares are 3-minute shares, the Timekeeper will say “One Minute” at the 2-minute mark.)

 

 (If no one volunteers to be the Timekeeper, say:)

Since we have no Timekeeper, we'll self-time for ___ minutes.



(Choose a topic from the Topics List on the website, or ask for a topic)

 

The topic is __________. We are not required to share on the selected topic.

 

OR

 

(If the meeting is a Special Topic Meeting, such as a Speaker Meeting, Step Study or Traditions Study, read the appropriate Additional Script Reading at the end of this script.)

 

Who would like to begin the sharing?

 

Call for the Next-to-the-last Share about 15 minutes before the meeting ends.)

 

Is there anyone who did service or who has been at the entire meeting who would like take the Next-to-the-last Share?

 

(If no one wishes to share, open it up again for anyone.)

 

Call for the Last Share of the Meeting about 10 minutes before the meeting ends.)

 

The last share of the day is the Newcomer Share. A Newcomer is someone who has shared 6 or fewer times on the line. Is there a Newcomer who would like to share at this point?

 

(If no Newcomer wishes to share, sharing is opened up again for anyone.)

 

(If more than five minutes remain after the Newcomer share, call for another share.)

 

Closing

(At about 5 minutes before the end of the meeting, say:) That’s all the time we have for sharing, but you can share in Fellowship if you didn’t have a chance during the meeting.

 

The 7th Tradition: SIA is fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. Please consider sending a dollar contribution for each meeting you attend on the phone line to the World Service Office. To make a contribution through PayPal, please go to the World Service Office web site at SIAWSO.org.

 

Will someone please read the Twelve Promises?

 

The 12 PROMISES of SIA


1. We will finally know freedom, happiness and serenity.

2. We will remember the past at last and walk freely away from it with our child intact.

3. We will comprehend the word “safety.”

4. We will know sleep without fear.

5. No matter how terrible the incest, nor how devastating its effects, we will recover and become whole again.

6. That feeling of hopelessness and self-condemnation will disappear.

7. We will lose our sense of toxic shame and gain self-respect.

8. Revulsion will slip away.

9. Our perpetrators will no longer have any power over us.

10.Fear of love and sexuality will leave us.

11. We will intuitively know how to handle intimacy.

12. We will suddenly realize that we are alive, lovely, whole, sane and safe.

I’d like to thank all who read, all who shared, our timekeeper and all who held space by listening.

 A gentle reminder: The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them.  Take what you liked and leave the rest.

Remember, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here.

Whatever your problems, there are those among us that have them too. Talk with one another, reason things out, but let there be no gossip or criticism.  Instead, let the love and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time.

For all those who would like to, please join me in saying the Serenity Prayer.

Welcome to the Newcomers. Are there any Newcomer questions?

Now it’s time for Announcements:

  • On the Coming Home Phone Line, there are three daily meetings or workshops, morning, afternoon and evening. For information about meeting topics and times, please go to the website, SIAComingHomePhoneLine.org.
  • Fellowship is available 24/7 whenever there is no meeting or workshop. To participate in Fellowship, you must be a member of the Coming Home Phone Line.
  • To become a member of the Coming Home Phone Line, please go to the website and click on the tab that says "Become a Member," and fill out the form. If you wish to remain anonymous, consider creating an email address specifically for SIA. All members receive an updated Contact List and a newsletter the second week of the month. On the Contact List, some individuals identify as sponsors, and some say they’re looking for fellow travelers.
  • Meeting moderators serve 3-month lengths of service. After 3 months of service as a moderator or co-moderator, you are eligible to represent your meeting at the Intergroup level.  All members are welcome at Intergroup meetings. 
  • General Service Reps (GSRs) are voted in at their meeting’s business meeting. GSRs represent their meetings at phone line Intergroup meetings, serve a six-month term of service and are required to have served as either a moderator or co-moderator for a minimum of three months prior to serving as a GSR. 


Are there any announcements or requests for phone numbers or would anyone like to give out a phone number? 

Is there anyone who didn’t get a chance to share during the meeting who would like to share first during fellowship?


(Read the Fellowship Reading.)

Fellowship Reading

To be read at the top of the hour during Fellowship


Now it’s time for Fellowship. Fellowship is a time for people to chat, share, laugh, cry and ask for feedback if it is wanted. There is a difference between feedback and advice. When giving feedback we share our experience strength and hope; we don’t advise others about what to do. 


Please realize that if feedback is going on and you wish to share about something else that you may do so. There is no need to worry about changing the mood of the virtual room, rather be true to yourself and your needs. 


The only thing that is asked of members is that they familiarize themselves with the 12 Guidelines for Safe Sharing at Phone Meetings so that we can continue to practice communicating with each other in safe supportive ways. This gives us more freedom to be vulnerable and share what is in our mind and hearts with each other during fellowship. 


Sometimes we may dissociate and or simply forget to follow the guidelines. In these instances we remember that we are human and that we are "practicing" safe sharing so we stay focused on our group intention which simply is providing a safe place where we can all heal together. 


Please remember to limit  individual shares to five minutes and keep your phones muted when not sharing. Additionally, when sharing please remember: Do not add feedback/identification when thanking another for a share unless feedback has been requested. Also, confine feedback comments when feedback is asked for to one feedback share per person present on line. Try to limit back and forth discussions on one topic or feedback requests to approximately 15 minutes self-timed and remember any topics may be spoken about. 


Lastly, when you are done speaking, please remember to ask, “Who would like to share next?” If you are the individual speaking next please try to remember to thank the person who just spoke for their share.



 



 

 

 


 

Additional Script Readings for

Special-topic Meetings

 

Speaker Meeting

 

Is there a volunteer to share their experience, strength and hope for fifteen minutes?

(OR)

 

(If a speaker has already been chosen) Now, (member name)__________ will share their experience, strength and hope for fifteen minutes.        

(AFTER THE SPEAKER SHARE)

 

(Ask) Would the Speaker like to choose a topic for this meeting?

The topic is _____.

 

Unlike at other Coming Home Phone Line meetings, it is okay for members who are about to share to thank the Speaker by name for their share. We may share our experience, strength and hope on the same topic, but we don’t comment directly on what the Speaker has said.


Who would like to begin the sharing?


(Return to the regular Meeting Script above for the meeting Closing.)        

(After announcements for the Sunday morning Speaker Meeting are made, instead of reading the Fellowship Reading, say)

 

We will now have our Creative Share Fair and Inner Kid Play Time. People may share their creative work, sing, play music & let their inner kids come out to play.

 

Please limit your Creative Share to five minutes, self-timed.

 

Members may share more than once during Creative Share Fair if no one else volunteers to share.

 

Members can also share regular shares if they don’t want to share a Creative Share.




Step Study Meeting

 

We read from the SIA Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditionspamphlet. Each Step is studied from beginning to end. A volunteer reads one paragraph or 2 of the questions at the end of the Step, then shares for 3 or 5 minutes, depending on the meeting. After each reading, the moderator takes two shares. If no one volunteers to read, the moderator reads.

 

If no one wishes to share on that paragraph or questions, the next paragraph or questions are read.

 

We may share on a paragraph or questions that were already read, even if they were not the last ones read. We try to share about our understanding of the Step, how we apply it to our recovery, how we want to apply it or challenges we have applying it.

 

It’s okay to share more than once during this meeting.

 

If a Step is not completed in the course of a meeting, the next Step Study meeting will pick up where the last meeting ended.

 

In the twice-a-week morning Step meetings, only one Step is studied per week. At the second meeting of the week, the part that was read at the first meeting is reread without comment. When the new part is read, normal shares resume.

 

Once the Step and its questions are done being read, open sharing begins.

 

When all 12 Steps have been worked through, the meeting will return to Step One.

 

The Step we are reading today is ____________. Who would like to volunteer to begin the reading?


(Return to the regular Meeting Script above for the meeting Closing.)


Traditions Study Meeting

 

We read from the SIA Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditionspamphlet. Each Tradition is studied from beginning to end. A volunteer reads one paragraph or 2 of the questions at the end of the Tradition, then shares for 3. After each reading, the moderator takes two shares. If no one volunteers to read, the moderator reads.

 

If no one wishes to share on the paragraph or questions, the next paragraph or questions are read.

 

We may share on a paragraph or questions that were already read, even they were not the last ones read. We try to share about our understanding of the Tradition, how we apply it to our recovery, how we want to apply it or challenges we have applying it.

 

It’s okay to share more than once during this meeting.

 

Once the Tradition and its questions are done being read, open sharing begins.

 

When all 12 Traditions have been worked through, the meeting will return to Tradition One.

 

The Tradition we are reading today is ____________.

 

Who would like to volunteer to begin the reading?

 

 

(Return to the regular Meeting Script above for the meeting Closing.

 


Introduction to Group Safety Check Process


If you feel that someone has crossed the line and is failing to honor the Guidelines for Safe Sharing more than once at a meeting or at two meetings in a row, you may request a group Safety Check. A Safety Check takes precedence. At a Safety Check, the group secretary leads the process.


To begin the process, the secretary will reread the Guidelines for Safe Sharing. Then the person who called the Safety Check will be given up to 30 seconds to state the reason for calling the Safety Check. At that point, everyone in the room will be given up to 30 seconds to share whether or not they feel a sharing violation has occurred.


If a majority does not feel that a violation has occurred, the meeting returns to sharing and the interrupted individual is given the opportunity to complete their share. 


On the other hand, if a majority does feel a Guidelines for Safe Sharing violation has occurred, and the individual continues to violate these guidelines more than once in a meeting or at two meetings in a row, a group action plan will be implemented, and all members are asked to familiarize themselves with this document which is located at the end of this script.


Group Safety Check Description


We want this meeting to be a safe place and want to remind all individuals that there are appropriate and inappropriate ways of expressing feelings and issues during the sharing time. This meeting does not condone abusive or controlling behavior in any form.


As a safety measure, if a person needs to be reminded to behave in a non-abusive fashion at more than 2 meetings in a row, or more than once in a single meeting, any member of the group may call for a vote of censure of the individual who is behaving in an abusive manner.


If a vote of censure is called for, and seconded, the secretary or moderator will call for an immediate vote. During the vote, the person whose behavior is being voted on will be required to leave the meeting for the remainder of the day. If that person refuses to leave, they will be considered to be in violation of the abusive behavior rule and will be expelled from the meeting for a period of at least one month. Their phone number will also be banned by the person who operates the meeting dashboard.


If more than half of the people attending the meeting vote for censure, the individual who was behaving in a manner considered abusive by the group will be asked to leave the meeting and will not be allowed to return for a minimum of 1 month. Further, the individual must also be willing to publicly acknowledge his/her behavior and apologize to the group upon returning. If said individual is not willing to apologize, they will not be allowed to return to the group.



Safety Check Meeting Process Format for
1st Potential Not Adherence to Safety Guidelines


  1. Call Meeting to Order

  2. Open with Reading the 12 Traditions.

  3. Take Roll of who may want to participate so everyone may be called on (Let people know they do not have to share and may pass when it’s their turn.)

  4. State reason Safety Check has been called and specific paragraph in Guidelines that was not followed.

  5. Allow person calling the Safety Check to state in 30 seconds or less the reason for the meeting.

  6. Read the pertinent paragraph in the Guidelines for Safe Sharing in entirety.

  7. Allow each member on the roll to comment for up to 30 seconds about whether they feel the Guidelines to Safe Sharing have been adhered to or not. At end of roll, give others who may not have checked in the opportunity to comment.


After Completing Step 7 Please go to the reading below that applies.



If a majority does not feel that a violation of the Guidelines for Safe Sharing has occurred, use the following script:


Since a majority of us feel the Safety Guidelines have been adhered to, we will now return to our normal meeting. The person whose share was interrupted by the meeting will be given the opportunity to complete their share. Thanks to everyone who participated in today’s safety check because it makes our meeting stronger and safer.

(Name of person who’s share was interrupted) do you wish to share or do you wish to pass?

Return to normal meeting process.


What to Say if a Majority feel the Safety Guidelines have been violated:


(First violation)


A majority of our meeting’s members feel that the Guidelines for Safe Sharing have not been followed. Specifically, Guideline _____ was not adhered to.


Therefore, I wish to remind the individual who did not follow the Guideline that our group understands that we all make mistakes. However, if the Guidelines to Safe Sharing are not followed by you for a second time in this meeting or the next time you attend this meeting, then our group action plan will be implemented. A formal vote will occur and if a majority of members agrees that the Guidelines were not followed, you will be asked to leave the meeting for a month, and in order to return to the meeting you will need to make a formal amends to the group in a letter that is sent to our intergroup secretary prior to returning. Further, upon returning you will need to apologize to the group the first time that you share.


Again, thank you all for participating in today’s safety check meeting. We will now return to normal sharing. Who would like to share next?


(Note: if a person did not follow the Guidelines, they are not allowed to share again during the meeting that day, but they may do so during Fellowship.)


Safety Check Meeting Process For a Vote of Censure due to Two Safety Guideline Violations


Call Meeting to Order and ask the person for whom the vote is called to please leave the line for the remainder of the day. (If person refuses to leave line s/he is considered to be in automatic violation of the Safety Guidelines and an automatic censure occurs--they are banned for one month minimum from the meeting. To return to the meeting, the individual must send a formal letter of amends to the Intergroup secretary. Only after that may the individual return to the meeting, and the first time s/he shares s/he must verbally apologize to the group.

  1. Open with Reading the 12 Traditions.

  2. Ask for person who called for the vote of censure to state reason why in 30 seconds or less.

  3. Reread pertinent section(s) of the Guidelines for Safe Sharing.

  4. Ask for a motion for a vote of censure and a second.

  5. Take roll of individuals wanting to participate in vote and explain that people when called upon may vote yes, no or abstain.

  6. Take vote.


What to Say after a Vote of Censure


A vote to censure (individual’s name) for not following the Guidelines for Safe Sharing has been called and passed by a majority of members at this meeting. Therefore, (individual’s name) will not be allowed to attend this meeting for a minimum of one month. To return, that individual must write a formal letter of amends and send it to our group secretary before returning to meeting. Further, (individual’s name) must make amends to the entire group verbally the first time s/he shares again at this meeting.


I will send a letter to the SIA Coming Home Phone Line Intergroup secretary to notify him/her of this meeting’s decision.

I’d like to thank all of you who participated in today’s vote. Everyone deserves to be treated with the safety and respect for one another that our Guidelines for Safe Sharing are set up to provide for.

At this time we will now return to the meeting. Who would like to share next?

                                                    #

The 12 PROMISES of SIA


1. We will finally know freedom, happiness and serenity.


2. We will remember the past at last and walk freely away from it with   our child intact.


3. We will comprehend the word “safety.”


4. We will know sleep without fear.


5. No matter how terrible the incest, nor how devastating its effects, we will recover and become whole again.


6. That feeling of hopelessness and self-condemnation will disappear.


7. We will lose our sense of toxic shame and gain self-respect.


8. Revulsion will slip away.


9. Our perpetrators will no longer have any power over us.


10.Fear of love and sexuality will leave us.


11. We will intuitively know how to handle intimacy.


12. We will suddenly realize that we are alive, lovely, whole, sane and safe.



 





Business Meeting Script



Process Overview

• Call meeting to Order.

• Begin with Serenity Prayer.

• Open with reading the complete 12 Traditions.

• Approve minutes from previous meeting.

• Take Roll of who may want to participate so everyone may be called on.

(Let people know they do not have to share and may pass when it’s their

turn.)

• Call for agenda items or additional agenda items if agenda went out in

advance.

• Begin with first agenda item. (If secretary created item, secretary brings up the item; if another put it forward, the secretary calls on that person and asks them to state the item and rationales for the item. Person is given 30 seconds.

• Allow each member on the roll to comment for up to 30 seconds on the

agenda item. At end of roll, give others a chance who may not have

checked in the opportunity to comment.

If an item seems to have support, ask for someone to put forth a

motion.

If item discussion seems to take too long, or there is too much

disagreement, or it seems like people want to share multiple times

on the agenda item, ask for a tabling motion and second and the

item can be taken up again at the next business meeting.

• State the motion and ask for a second.

• Next go to vote. (If your meeting is large, and there are a lot of items to

address, once half of the members have voted, say the motion carries and feel free to suspend the vote at that point. If there aren’t a lot of members, you may want to take a complete roll. If people have difficulty with expediency at a business meeting, put the manner of vote taking into a motion and take a vote on it.)

• Announce outcome.

• Continue through until meeting is finished.

• Have secretary or volunteer agree to put together minutes and send them out to everyone at the meeting.

• Set date for next meeting.

• Adjourn.


A Few Notes About Business Meetings

Your meeting may want to require that the person putting forward an agenda item be present or the item may not be discussed. (The idea here is that if a person feels strongly about an item it’s good to show up in support of it.)

You may want to make this announcement at your meeting because Business Meetings can by triggering for survivors:


A gentle reminder to everyone. Business Meetings can be

triggering to survivors. People may speak strongly or at times become unable to listen. We ask that you try to remember that we are having this meeting for the good of the entire group and that you remember to reassure your inner children if you or they become upset. Triggers happen easily but there’s very little that happens that’s so important that we treat one another with anything other than the utmost respect.


You may want to limit your business meetings to a set amount of time. (For instance a half hour if they occur monthly and your meeting only occurs once a week, or an hour if your business meeting occurs once every three months).

Please note too, if there is an important issue that occurs and cannot wait to be dealt with until the next Business Meeting, a “Group Conscience” meeting can be called. Please note though, that it’s ideal to announce such meetings a minimum of a week in advance so that everyone who wants to attend may do so. This does not mean that a group conscience meeting cannot occur on the same day as a meeting, but if this occurs it should only be done under the direst of emergencies.

#


SIA Business Meeting Step by Step Overview


  • Call Meeting to Order
  • Begin with Serenity Prayer
  • Open with Reading the complete 12 Traditions
  • Approve minutes from previous meeting.
  • Take roll of who may want to participate so everyone may be called on. (Let people know they do not have to share and may pass when it’s their turn.)
  • Call for agenda items or additional agenda items if agenda went out in advance.
  • Begin with first agenda item. (If secretary created item, secretary brings up the item; if another put it forward, the secretary calls on that person and asks them to state the item and rationales for the item. Person is given 30 seconds.
  • Allow each member on the roll to comment for up to 30 seconds on the agenda item. At end of roll, give others a chance who may not have checked in the opportunity to comment.

 

If an item seems to have support, ask for someone to put forth a motion.

 

If item discussion seems to take too long or there is too much disagreement or it seems like people want to share multiple times on the agenda item ask for a tabling motion and second and the item can be taken up again at the next business meeting.

 

  • State the motion and ask for a second.
  • Next go to vote (if your meeting is large, there are a lot of items to address, once half of the members have voted, say the motion carries and feel free to suspend the vote at that point. If there aren’t a lot of members, you may want to take a complete roll. If people have difficulty with expediency at a business meeting, put the manner of vote taking into a motion and take a vote on it).
  • Announce outcome.
  • Continue through until meeting is finished.
  • Have secretary or volunteer agree to put together minutes and send them out to everyone at the meeting.

 

A Few Notes About Business Meetings

 

Your meeting may want to require that the person putting forward an agenda item be present or the item may not be discussed. (The idea here is that if a person feels strongly about an item it’s good to show up in support of it.)

 

You may want to make this announcement at your meeting because business meetings can by triggering for survivors: A gentle reminder to everyone. Business meetings can be triggering to survivors. People may speak strongly or at times become unable to listen. We ask that you try to remember that we are having this meeting for the good of the entire group and that you remember to reassure your inner children if you or they become upset. Triggers happen easily but, there’s very little that happens at one of our items that’s so important that we treat one another with anything other than the utmost respect.

 

You may want to limit your business meetings to a set amount of time.

 


 

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© 2007 Survivors of Incest Anonymous
All rights reserved.  Permission to reprint granted only in writing.


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